So, after a couple of million years, you'd think we'd have given up and just bought a caravan, or something.
But no, we keep on keeping on, rubbing the sticks together and having haircuts.
Surprisingly, while there have been umpteen attempts to lend sweetness and explanation to the experience of existence - God, mammon, the Fender Telecaster, for example - there have been surprisingly few attempts to explain our basic human behaviour, which we might typify with the question, Why do we get up? (*)
In truth, for many years I tended toward the simple get-out answer, Because we can't find the off switch.
But of late i've puzzled further, consulted widely and stood in the queue at Marks and Spencer. And as a result i am now prepared to make an attempt to move the debate forward.
I am indeed prepared to submit that there are, in fact, three unique human dispositions UHDs.
These powerful forces may be likened to the fundamental forces of physics which acting together, shape our universe. They are of course, gravity, the strong nuclear force, electromagnetism and err... the hunt for spangles.
Anyway, there are three, much clearer forces at work which underpin all human behaviour:-
- Self-pity ... known as the dark force and which may yet prove to be the unifying force long-sort by philosophers and Sunday magazine editors.
- Self-delusion ... unique in the whole universe to the human experience, it has, for example, the capacity to generate a billion twitters and blogs every day. So strong indeed it is thought that self-delusion created IKEA within the first few seconds of the human condition.
- Bad taste ... considered for many years to be a simple by-product of existence, but bad taste is now understood to be one of three pillars of all human motivation and experience. Without it (and it's twin, self-delusion) we would have long ago run out of excuses for all those tile shops, the continued production of German pop music ... and tinned spaghetti hoops.
Now i recognise there may be some among us who would prefer the more comfortable, traditional answers to the Why do we get out of bed? question ...
- we need a new mattress
- my partner farts
- the cat puked
... honestly, i know, i've tried out those answers. But believe me, in the end they are unsatisfactory, hollow ... self-delusional.
Be brave. Open your mind. NO ! More than that, open your Yellow Pages and see the truth for yourself. Really, only my new three UHDs can explain all those kitchen show rooms, tile shops and the continued success of IKEA.
Oh crumbs (self pity) back to my banjo practice (bad taste, self delusion). Be of good cheer.